Hw 57

Prom let every high school student live out their childhood dreams before they become adults. They get to dress up fancy like their parents, spend lot of money, drink and eat with out restraint and have the freedom to act alone. After this moment, their lives stop being planned out for them. They make their own decisions, weather to go to college, work, do nothing or travel. This life changing experience is great and may effect the future decisions of each person.

Before most kids enter high school the dream of going to prom is alive in their minds. It’s looked at as a stepping-stone to adult hood and freedom. Movies, books and fair tales keep the tradition of prom alive. This tradition has been keep vibrant and alive by the industry behind it making money off prom. This industry is just like the funeral industry and the food industry. This industry is keep alive with a constant reminder that prom is a right of passage in to the real word.

With out the hype around prom and the tradition. It is a gather of almost all the people that you spent high school with coming together to celebrate the end of a long journey. A lot of people will never see each other again. It could be a solemn occasion but instead we party it out and celebrant some of the best year of our lives coming to an end. It’s ironic.

XC- COTD4

Dickinson, Emily. "What care the Dead, for Chanticleer." American Poems . N.p., Published/Written in 1955 . Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10544>.

The dead have no feelings and no cares anytime of year.

This poem can bring comfort to people morning, letting them know the dead is always around them no matter where they are.

Dickinson, Emily. "I measure every Grief I meet."American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15394>.

Grief can stem from many things. People judge others grief to either fell better or worse about their own grief.

This poem may help people grieving realize their subconscious actions. People grieving over a death want to assume they are always the person in the room with the most grief when really they might not be.

Dickinson, Emily. "I had no time to Hate." American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10430>.

Life is short so before you die don’t hate; try to love.

I feel this poem can help people think positively about the deaths of their loved ones. It tells people to not feel hateful at the grave of the person your seeing feel love for the persons life.

Scott Holland, Henry. "Remembrance Poems and Quotes for a Funeral or Memorial Service."Memories are Forever.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.memories-are-forever.org/funeral/poemsquotes.htm>.

The recently passed should not stop a family from talking about them better yet it they should keep that person alive through the good times that person brought them.

This poem could be very beneficial to people who feel that they cant talk about the love ones that passed. The poem may open a door for people to feel as if the person they lost is still in their life.

Dickinson, Emily. "If I can stop one Heart from breaking." American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10871>.

If we can make a difference in a life we will not live in vain.

This poem could be the thoughts of a funeral director. When I read this poem I felt like these thoughts would run through a funeral directors minds when reflecting on why they do what they do.

Dickinson, Emily. "It is an honorable Thought."American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10898>.

We have come up with stores that make us immortal even though nothing is immortal in our world. We see thing get old and die everyday.

This poem made me think of the people that can’t accept death for what it is. This could lead people to understand life can never be immortal.

Dickinson, Emily. " It struck me -- every Day."American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10314>.

The pain of morning a love one never goes away. It can re-open like a scab at any time.

This poem describes how many people go through the mooring process when they have lost a loved one. Many people feel they can get over a loss but truly it lives on with them. This may help morning people to realize that the pain can last forever and therefore manage it better. 

Dickinson, Emily. "It was not Death, for I stood up,."American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10462>.

Dickinson, Emily. "Poets' Corner ." theotherpages.org. N.p., 1880s. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.theotherpages.org/poems/dickin01.html>.

Tagore, Rabindranath. "Remembrance Poems and Quotes for a Funeral or Memorial Service."Memories are Forever.org. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.memories-are-forever.org/funeral/poemsquotes.htm>.

Herrick, Robert. "The Funeral Rites of the Rose."eulogyspeech.ne. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.eulogyspeech.net/funeral-poems/The-Funeral-Rites-of-the-Rose.shtml>.

Hughes, Langston. "Wake." eulogyspeech.net. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.eulogyspeech.net/funeral-poems/Wake.shtml>.

Joyce, Sean. "The Funeral." eulogyspeech.net. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.eulogyspeech.net/funeral-poems/The-Funeral.shtml>.

Dickinson, Emily. "Emily Dickinson : A clock stopped—not the mantel’s." portablepoetry.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.portablepoetry.com/poems/emily_dickinson/a_clock_stoppednot_the_man.html>.

Dickinson, Emily. "Pain -- has an Element of Blank --." American Poems . N.p., 1955. Web. 16 May 2011. <http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/emilydickinson/10602>.

Hw 55

After studying about the funeral industry in depth and thinking about how I want to be buried. I wanted to know if my parents had talked about their funerals with each other or if they had even started to think about their own funeral.

My parents are not on the same page when it comes to them knowing how each other wants their funnels to be but they have thought about their own funerals. My mother believes that my father wants a full catholic funeral with a wake, a mass and a grave burial. On the contrary though, my dad is happy with just a ceremony in his honor and to be cremated. My father was more in the ballpark when describing my mother’s funeral. He was right in saying that she wants to have a traditional Jewish funeral but my mom as of now want to be buried not cremated. My parents after being interviewed said that they had not put much thought into how they wanted to be buried till after their parents died two years ago. Both their parents had mini books written on how they wanted their funerals to be and how they wanted to be buried. My mom finds it depressing and does not like to think about her funeral. She told me the times she has thought about it, she can’t make up her mind whether or not to be buried or cremated. My dad told me he was not confident in what he wants to do for his funeral but he knows he wants to be cremated in the end. But that could change.

Hw 54

I grew up with parents that have different religious backgrounds. Neither of my parents were very religious but they wanted to raise me Jewish, the religion of my mother. That decision didn’t really stick. I celebrated all the catholic holidays of my father religion and all of the Jewish holidays of my mother’s religion. I never though of religion as anything important because it was never taken seriously in my house hold. Now that I understand religion I made up my own beliefs that a line with Christianity, Judisum and Buddhism. I believe in a higher being and I want there to be an after life but in the back of my mind I know there’s no ways of knowing so why should I think there is one. Some people call this agnostic but I don’t think my beliefs a line them very well.

My beliefs of the after life our undecided because I cant figure out why we live this life if we one day we die and don’t know anything. Then with that there’s no point in living so there has to be something but this something has to apply to all creatures of the earth not just humans. But what if we were the insides of a creature and we were not part of a universe. You never know. I have never read the bible or the torah.

I have a big belief in karma as well. It is the acting force that completes the circle of right and wrong. Karma is a major part of Buddhism and to get more knowledge on it I talked to a lady down the hall from me named Florence who converted to Buddhism 40 years ago and study it in Japan for many years.

Florence first told me about how she became a Buddhist. It was 1970 and Florence was having many troubles in her life. She decided to leave the U.S and travel to Japan for week to get away from her problems. There she walked in to a Buddhist school and herd what the religion had to offer. She was told of three values to live by that would help with her stress and lead her to happiness. One: Life as we know it ultimately is or leads to suffering/uneasiness in one-way or another. Two: Suffering is caused by craving. Three: Suffering ends when craving ends. Florence understood and liked what she was told. She felt that it made life easier and she understood it more. Florence’s trip went from one week to two months; she studied with monks to learn everything there was about Buddhism.

My interview began. Florence how were you able to drop your life so quick and know that Buddhism was the right life choice?

Hw 53

Precis:

It’s Saturday night in the Bronx and it’s booming with music and partying. Every Ghanaian person is at the funeral down the block for Gertrude Manye Ikol. She passed away just a few months ago and everyone is celebrating. Now I know what your thinking how heart less can these people be celebrating a woman’s death but in the Ghanaian culture death is horned in celebration. Unlike in the American culture where we sit solemn and reflect on the past life that was lost. The Ghanaian people celebrate the life that was just with them. These funerals are talked about like parties for every one to attend. They have an open bar and a dance floor that is open all night. The funerals are social gathering that are happening more and more all over the Bronx’s. A Ghanaian funeral is the second most expensive event in an Ghanaians life after their wedding.

DOLNICK, SAM. "Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It’s a Ghanaian Funeral. ." New York Times (2011): n. pag. Web. 9 May 2011.


There is a link between doctors and patients when they have been together for many years. I have just lost a patient and a friend. It hurts me not because it is a failure to me as a doctor but because I lost a friend, a piece of my family. I like to go to my patient’s funeral to given my final regards because I have cared for them and become very close with them. I find more times than not I am praised as a respected guess but then end up becoming a question in the back of peoples minds so I try to not over stay my welcome. It is hard to see people who you’ve shared some of their most personal conversations with not moving.

OFRI, DANIELLE. "A Doctor at the Funeral." New York Times (2011): n. pag. Web. 9 May 2011.

I never could have guessed that a party would be thrown as a funeral and it be socially accepted. This idea blew up in my mind; I started planning my own funeral party but wait I’m not ready to die any time soon. This way of celebrating death made me think of it in a new light and made sense to me. Instead of sitting in sadness about something I can’t change I should be happy for the life that was with me not so long ago. I think that I would feel better surrounded by a bunch of happy people then a bunch of sad. In our country this is not a socially acceptable and I would love for that to change.

I respect everything doctors do to save lives but I don’t know if I would want the doctor of my loved one to be at their funeral because emotions run high at a funeral and I would not want anyone blaming the doctor for anything that might have happened. I think that of the doctor wants to come they can before or after everyone is there. I just feel better for this way.



Retired Gravedigger

Q: Do you believe in the after life?

A: I believe in the after life because I am a Christian man and my religion specks of there being an after life. Christianity talks about the after life talking you to heaven or hell.

Q: Do you believe that how your buried can led you to a happier or better after life?

A: I believe that as long as you are buried in the ground respectfully by your loved once you will be going to the right place in the after life.

Q: Personally I am creped out by cemeteries. How did you get comfortable being in a cemetery at night?

A: I needed money to put food on my table for my wife and I. I said screw being scared of what I have no proof excites like zombies and ghosts and started digging with my thoughts.

Q: Do you know how you want to be buried when you die?

A: I want to have a nice funeral in a church, with a nice casket and a wake. Then I want to be buried next to the rest of my family.

At 70 with a bad back grocery shopping is not an easy job but neither was grave digging. A new friend of mine Lenny needed help with his grocery shopping and I volunteered to help in exchange fore an interview. He gladly accepted. Lenny had been a gravedigger for 40 years before he retired five years ago. His back problems put him out of work. Lenny has always been a tough guy but not so book smart. He started a family early in life and need away to support them. He found being a gravedigger work perfect for his life style. Lenny is a Christian man that lives by the bible. After know his background I started asking him tough questions about his beliefs, which he didn’t like very much. I questioned the idea of the after life and if heaven and hell were real. I asked him, if the people who wrote the bible knew all the information about earth we know today would they believe in what they wrote? Lenny said assertively, “I was raised to live by what the bible preaches and also I’m an old man, when I question things it leads me to question my life and my actions which makes me sad.” I could understand what Lenny was trying to convey. By questioning the social practices of our society it leads us to question our actions and beliefs. It’s a very sad and depressing thinking this way. As we passed through the flower section I asked Lenny how he wanted to be buried? He answered the question from the same point of view as all the other questions. “I will follow what the Christian religion says to do.” I got a little frustrated because over this year I have been learned to think past my bubble thoughts and really think about what I do and say. I said plan and simple “have you ever questioned the funeral practices or looked for alternative practices done in other cultures.” Lenny looked at me if I was crazy. I had hit a brick wall with Lenny; he was a die heart believer in his faith.


The funeral industry is the one industry that I believe can be changed for the better in this country but will it ever?

If home funeral were legal in NYC; would that be good or bad?

Hw 52

Precis:

Funeral homes thrive off the human raise thinking of it self as the superior race because from this thinking humans don’t accept death as the end of life just the first step to something greater. Funeral homes exploit this belief by providing a service that claims it can help loved ones reach a better place in the after life.


Quotes:

"This isn't my life. For me it's a project. I can walk away. Not so for the families who are stuck with their grief, or even the family undertakers who are stuck with one another." (Page. 205)

"The myth that the vaulted body lasts forever is hard to shake, and the idea of dissolving into a conservation easement, no matter how beautiful the view, is still too much like going ovo-lacto: only a few have the taste for it." (Page. 217)

“I look at you, you look at me, we contribute to society,” he says. “Then we die.”” (Page. 224)

“This, he says, might be the future of the funeral trade: change how people understand death. Like religion used to do.” (Page. 248)

“Which leaves us with the ceremony. I see no difference between the Celebration of Life and the rite of Christian burial. Both use storytelling to take the sting out of death. One praises the life that was, the other the life that follows.” (Page. 272)

Analysis:

Humans don’t except the end of anything. If runs out, finishes, they try to replace it in the world. When death comes humans can’t do anything or replace the life that has been lost. They have come up with stories of new worlds and new lives that they will find after they have passed. These stories are amplified through a belief system called religion. Religion brings people together that share a common theory on what happens after death. Most of these stories tell of events, places and powers that humans can only dream of which makes them appealing. As a society we make death seem more appealing through stories, T.V. shows and movies. Humans think of themselves as being the smartest species and don’t accept death for what it is; we believe we our meant for more. The funeral companies use these common beliefs to their advantages by exploiting peoples feelings and views making them indulge in a misconception that their services our the best and only services honorable enough to berry a loved one properly. This topic relates to the birth unit because the doctors in the GYOB practices create a misconception that the best and only way to deliver a baby safely is to get it delivered in a hospital but it’s not true. These two pieces of people’s lives are the some of the most important times in their lives and they don’t want to feel like their doing it wrong. They follow the “professionals” or what I like to call the businessmen, who preach that they know what’s best for a person.

Hw 51

Precis:

Funerals can be expensive if not planned for ahead of time and can cause additional stress and financial debt to a families pain. A family always wants the best for their loved ones but to get it they need to shell out big bucks. When it comes to the ability of balancing the grief of a love one and planning a respectful funeral for most people cant handle it.

Quotes:

"Grief is mixed up with guilt and shame and the dynamics of family politics. Sons and daughters will compete for the role of Most Crushed by the Loss, they'll fight over the menu for the reception as if it’s the dead man's estate...families do what's expected of them. They follow a social script." (Page. 116)

“But it seemed to me he was doing what the script told him to do; put people at ease by lightening the mood. That was his role.” (Page. 119)

“What made Ray Brent Marsh different from his neighbors was not that he was insane, but that he’d lost all reverence for and fear of the dead.” (Page. 131)

"There is far more profit in creating memories and keepsakes than in caskets." (Page. 141)

"For nearly two hundred years, funeral service has had a firm foundation in American culture based upon Judeo/Christian priorities... The question is, what does the consumer really want, and how could operators achieve superior profits by breaking with the past." (Page. 141)

"We're no longer part of a community of believers, but a marginally organized tribe of individuals, where each life story is as important as the next." (Page. 146)

“The Mennonites have it easier: same casket, same hymns, sane prayers, and everyone knows the script. This is what it must be like to live in an ordered universe, where the roads meet at right angles at every miles and, if you’re good you pray and marry the girl God wants you to marry, His plan will be reveled when you die.” (Page.191)

Analysis: 

In part two of Curtains I learned a lot about the funeral industry along with some social aspects about a funeral. In our society there our social expectations for men and woman that are to be upheld at all times. One big expectation for men is that we our not allowed to cry. It shows weakness when men are supposed to be strong. These social expectations are still valid during a funeral when a man could be at his weakest, morning the loss of a love one. He might shed a tear but in societies eyes he must stand strong. When my father lost his mother he was very sad, he shed tears by himself in our house but not in public. When it came time for the funeral he was able to stand strong and be the man society wanted him to be. I feel that these standards weather held up in everyday society or not should not apply in the mist solemn occasions such as funerals.